A Weeping Christian: When Faith and Grief Collide

A blog by Kimberly Crumby

The Unsung Hero

He is the one who was instantly smitten when we found out we were having our first little girl. The bond that formed was the mythical daddy-daughter connection come to life.

He is the one who helped his worrier wife stay the course when baby number two did not happen so easily. His calm and steady approach to life tempered her planning and control- in a good way. And baby number two happened in God’s time.

He is the one who took his sweet pea to the doctor only to hear the word “cancer” quietly spoken. He kept his heart-broken wife going during the brief battle his girl fought. He prayed and pleaded with God to spare her- they both did- and he too was broken-hearted when we had to say a temporary goodbye to our first little girl. Most tend to think about the mother first- the one who truly shared part of herself with her child. But the daddies hurt just as badly, and they have the burden of feeling the pressure to hold it all together.

He is the one who stuck by his grief-stricken wife; in her case, grief often manifested itself as impatience and irritation. She used up what little normal she had on her surviving child and her kids at school, and there wasn’t much left for him. She wasn’t able to help him deal with his anger; he eventually did that on his own. But he kept loving her and supporting her. He didn’t take the easy road; with God’s help and the advice of good friends, neither of them did.

He is the one who listened to his wife talk about how adoption had been on her heart even though neither of them planned to have another child after living out what it feels like to bury one. He prayed about it, and in his calm way, decided that it would happen if that’s what was meant to be. They both had no desire to start over with a tiny baby, and so of course that’s exactly what they did.

He is the one who doesn’t have a lot to say most of the time; he is content to let his wife talk and write about their journey. But the quiet half is often the one who really holds it all together behind the scenes, and that is him. He seeks no attention or praise from men; he knows that eternal things are what matter. His family is blessed to call him husband and father.

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.” Matt. 5:4-5

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