A Weeping Christian: When Faith and Grief Collide

A blog by Kimberly Crumby

Five Years

Hannah grave christmasFive years ago tonight, we were living through the longest hours of our lives. Our daughter- our sassy little warrior princess- was slowly getting closer to slipping into eternity. I really can’t describe what it’s like to watch as a doctor removes a breath-giving tube from your child’s throat…knowing that it most likely means the end of your time with the one you carried in your womb is near. Not knowing how long you had left- both wishing for time and dreading its continued harshness and pain.

Hours I would not give back for anything but sometimes wish could be wiped from my memory.
 

So much has changed in five years. Grief beyond imagination. Healing. Depression. Bittersweet moments. Joy unspeakable. Brokenness. New life. Guilt. Restoration. Longing for Heaven. Hope.

And it’s all because there is a light. His name is Jesus. He was a baby in a manger and  he’s the hope of the world.

If we want to take hold of the hope, we have to bear up under the weight of this world. We have to accept suffering and allow God to overcome.
 

I’ve lived in the darkness…I’ve wondered if there ever was really a light to begin with. But I know deep within my bones there is. I would still be living in the dark if I had refused to open my eyes and let the light come flooding back in. Jesus.

Tomorrow, 5 years without my first-born. One day, eternity with my Jesus.

Please watch this if you need some hope this Christmas. Thanks to Bro. Mark, Mick, and FBC Rogers for reminding us about the light.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AmOZOqJhr6A

 

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8 thoughts on “Five Years

  • Cathy Miller says:

    Thank you for your reminders of light, hope and His Master plan. Blessings to you and yours on this special day and time of year! You are loved and missed ! Cathy

  • Susan Gage says:

    Kimberly,

    Thank you for sharing. Hannah Grace is missed and thought of often… Warrior Princess describes her perfectly. The name makes me laugh when I think of all the stories you have told over the years. Reminds me of my niece and many of the kindergarten students I know.

    Your story and the sharing of it is not easy, but I know it provides hope to many people. Let us know if you do something with the Springdale Schools this year. I am sure Smith Elementary would love to participate. Take care.

    Love you,
    Susan

  • Jenny B. says:

    It’s hard to believe it’s been five years already, yet it also seems like a long time ago. I remember not sleeping well that night, and waking up every few hours, praying for a miracle. God didn’t answer my prayers in the way I had hoped, but with five years of perspective, I can see how He is using everything for good. His ways are so mysterious to us, and when we get to see a little glimpse of His goodness and His plan, it is truly a gift. I’m praying for you to see His gifts and His promises all around you tonight and tomorrow, especially.

  • Amenda says:

    I have prayed for you and checked your blog for over five years now . . . continued prayers for you tonight and tomorrow as you remember your sweet girl.