A Weeping Christian: When Faith and Grief Collide

A blog by Kimberly Crumby

When God Intervenes…and When He Doesn’t

Several weeks ago, I wrote about a day that saw me wallowing in defeat…over insurance coverage being denied (see the post The Wilting Fighter).

Why pic

The root of my discouragement wasn’t insurance or even the unexpected bills that would be coming our way. The darkness came from wondering- because, sometimes to my detriment, I am a queen of questioning.

I just really had trouble letting go of wondering why, after we had taken a major step of faith by adopting this newborn baby, things had to continue to be so hard. My flesh screamed at the unfairness of it all- of life.

I continued to talk to the insurance company…and I decided to abandon my hang-up about using personal contacts when I need them. I know two sweet people who work there, and I reached out to them for help.

The short version of a long story is that they decided to add baby CG to our back to her date of birth. And I realize how rare it is to get this kind of reversal from insurance companies.

So, I wonder if, in this case, God knew my heart just needed a little confirmation…or actually a big one. That things won’t always be fair or easy, but not every single thing will always be extremely hard either. That God sometimes works through people in order to help me get back up out of my heap in the corner. That it’s not easy to follow God’s plan for my life- but God reveals himself so clearly sometimes that even my hard-headed, questioning self can’t miss him.

And sometimes, he doesn’t.

God doesn’t always swoop in to my rescue; he doesn’t always make himself apparent at times that I desperately want him to. These are the moments I mimic David’s cry; “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from the words of my groaning?” (Psalm 22:1). It’s at these crossroads in my life that I have to remind myself that God’s ways are not mine. I will never understand some things that happen here, and honestly I’m glad I cannot. I don’t think any reason would be good enough for my human heart to fathom why God sometimes doesn’t heal sick children…why people with evil in their hearts can do unspeakable things to other humans…why terrible things happen to “good” people (though none of us really are) while evil seemingly prospers.

I remember what Jesus said to his disciples- “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world” (John 16:33).

God, help me to keep an eternal perspective. Help me to be deliriously thankful for the times you do intervene. Help me to accept the times you don’t.

“In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith- of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire- may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.” (I Peter 1:6-7)


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