A Weeping Christian: When Faith and Grief Collide

A blog by Kimberly Crumby

Bedtime Theology

I was blessed to have one of those conversations with my son last night that made my heart feel so full that I thought it might just bust wide open. It wasn’t anything extraordinary…and that’s what makes it a moment in time I want to remember. Amazing how these ordinary, tender moments tend to happen when I just lie with my sweet boy and visit- no planning…no striving for perfection…nothing to distract me. Just being with him. Just being.

amberdickey.com

amberdickey.com

After reading the book he chose (a Cars book…no surprise there), we began talking about our plans for the weekend which include Santa. We don’t go crazy over talking about Santa; we do want our children to experience the fun, but we are trying hard to focus on Advent and that baby who changed the world with his arrival.

He wanted to know where Santa lives, and as I explained about the North Pole, he innocently asked if that’s where God lives too. I did my best to answer that one (sloppily, I’m sure); and then my precious child asked who his mom and dad would be if we went to Heaven. Yikes. One way God has brought good out of losing our sissy is that we have been forced to really go there with those hard, eternal questions. Our six-year-old has professed that he believes in God and knows he will see God and his sister one day in Heaven. Wow. We still talk to him about it and want to give it some more time since he is so young, but my mother’s heart is confident that, if he slipped away into eternity today, he would be greeted by God…the choir of angels…his sister.

I explained that, MOST of the time, people die when they are old. We have had this conversation before, so he confidently answered that he would probably be a grown up and would be able to take care of himself when we go to Heaven. Then, he tells me that when he’s a grown up with his own house, he’s going to have five or six kids. He tells me that he will ask for a recipe book (his version of “cookbook”) for Christmas so he will know how to cook all the food. He tells me that Caroline can help him cook. He tells me that he will help her learn how to be a “cooker”.

Just as my throat feels thick with unshed tears, he suddenly looks over at me with a startled expression. “Mom! How am I gonna take care of six kids all at the same time?” Those tears bubbled out as laughter, and I answered that he’d better make sure he finds a good wife.

Thank you, God, for these quiet moments. Thank you for my healthy son. Thank you for his big personality and hard questions. Thank you for sending your son to this hard earth for me…my boy…for all of us.

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2 thoughts on “Bedtime Theology

  • Anonymous says:

    I LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING HANNAH GRACE AND OTHER CRUMBY FAMILY MEMBERS AND THEN IN MANY MANY YEARS, CALEB ALTON. THANKS KIMBERLY, FOR SHARING THIS MOMENT WITH US!!!! AUNT SUSAN