A Weeping Christian: When Faith and Grief Collide

A blog by Kimberly Crumby

She (5 Minute Friday)

hannah1 caroline grace

She was my firstborn…my experiment with motherhood.

She is my number 3…my experiment with seeing if I remember what to do with a teeny tiny little person.

She made me wonder what in the world I was doing having a baby at 25- would I have what it takes to be a good momma?

She makes me wonder what in the world I am doing having a baby at 34- will I have the energy it takes to be a good momma?

She came into the world past due…after being coaxed a little by the kind doctor…with no drama or complications.

She arrived early after being coaxed to remain in her cozy, warm home for a bit longer by a good doctor…with high drama and a violent beginning.

She was the spitting image of her daddy…his strong genes showing in her every feature.

She does not carry our DNA but has a tremendous hold on our hearts- especially her Daddy’s.

She often tested my patience and resolve with her strong personality.

She is still in the early newborn days of kitten noises and stretching limbs..her personality unfolding over the next few months.

She was momma’s sweet girl.

She is momma’s beauty from ashes.

She left this earth so early after a battle with a cruel, hard disease.

She is the living, breathing legacy of the first she…so much so that she carries her middle name. Grace.

God continues to prove his faithfulness…his hope…his love…his redemptive spirit.

His grace.




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34 thoughts on “She (5 Minute Friday)

  • Reba says:

    She (both shes) is beautiful. What a glorious blessing from our God and Father! I am so excited for you and your family.

  • Chelle says:

    first thought…”and Grace will lead us home.” Blessings and congratulations on she who prepared you for her.
    Peace and good to you, sweet sister. You have achieved one of your dreams….

    • kimberly.crumby@att.net says:

      Thank you, sweet Chelle. Love that thought about grace leading us home. It always does…one way or another. Amazing how this dream feels even though it wasn’t a dream I ever thought I would have.

  • Oh, tears! This is just beautiful…and that picture of Caroline is even more sweet next to her sister. A beautiful tale of Grace.

  • Ain’t that it! So very happy for all that is YOU!

  • Kelsey says:

    This was so sweet. I’m sorry for your loss, but also excited for your newest adventure!

    • kimberly.crumby@att.net says:

      Thank you, Kelsey. This definitely does not erase our loss, but it makes it seem to have more meaning. I appreciate you reading and leaving sweet words.

  • Dana Butler says:

    Um… I’m so glad I stopped by here today.

    This piece is beautiful and your girls – both of them – precious.

    We just adopted a baby girl. She’s 3 months old now. Our 3rd baby. But we have 2 kids.

    We fostered before our son was born – wanted to adopt her, our beautiful baby girl – had her from 2 days old till 21 months old, then lost her to a very broken system and a very broken birth family.

    We lost our girl the week before our son was born.

    Not that our stories are the same… but wow – the parallels.

    Like I said, so glad I stopped by. I’m going to stalk your blog now. :) Bless you friend. Thank you so much for writing this.

    • kimberly.crumby@att.net says:

      Hi Dana…I’m glad you stopped by too! I took a gander over to your blog, and I think I will stalk you in return. :) When my Hannah Grace was in the hospital, I kept a caring bridge site (which is what really set me off on my blogging adventures), and there was a group I affectionately called caring bridge stalkers. I got in trouble if I took too long between entries. :)

      I am so sorry that you were not able to adopt your precious girl- so sad when the system does not work for the children. We originally went through training to adopt a child or children who were in foster care and had parental rights terminated, but the system did not work for us either. And then we had a crazy adoption possibility with 14 month old twin boys…and their mom changed her mind on day 9 out of 10. She has since been arrested several times and they are in foster care. So sad.

      So many parallels. Looking forward to visiting.

  • Dana Butler says:

    And – woah. Our baby girl’s middle name… is Grace.

  • Kim Hyland says:

    Precious. Beautiful. Such redemption. Congratulations!

  • Just beautiful. God is so so good.

  • Erica Young says:

    I am so so happy for you. Of all the things that need to be right in this world, this is right. I’m so glad you get that sweet tiny love to be part of your family.

    • kimberly.crumby@att.net says:

      Thanks so much, Erica. When things took a quick downturn and got very scary during her birth, I just kept thinking that this could not be happening. But, it could’ve…and I’m so thankful she was delivered safely so we can love her. Thank you for your sweet words.

  • Elizabeth says:

    beauty from ashes- the perfect redemption story! praise be to God! so happy for your family!

    • kimberly.crumby@att.net says:

      Thank you, precious Elizabeth. It still feels a little like a dream- except when I’m getting up for the 3rd time during the night. 😉 God has really made his presence known on this one. I still want to come visit your church sometime!

  • Mel says:

    Oh, goodness, the tears are flowing this morning. What a beautiful story and beautiful blessings…I’m so happy for you!

    • kimberly.crumby@att.net says:

      Thank you so much, Mel. Mine were definitely flowing as I wrote it. We are blessed beyond words. Thanks for reading and leaving me such a sweet note.

  • Julie says:

    Just an amazing testimony to God’s love for us. Both girls, His, given to you to mother. Prayers Continuing. ❤

    • kimberly.crumby@att.net says:

      It is pretty amazing…it still doesn’t seem real sometimes. I have definitely learned that these precious children are only ours for a time…but they are always God’s. Thank you, sweet sister.

  • Melissa Lesso says:

    So beautifully written. Congratulations to your family. And God bless.

    • kimberly.crumby@att.net says:

      Thank you, Melissa. Hope you and your family are doing great- I’m sure you are one busy bunch. I appreciate you reading about my girls.

  • Mandy says:

    Perfect. Beautiful! Thank you for sharing this!

    • kimberly.crumby@att.net says:

      Thanks for reading, Mandy. I have really admired your blog series about your childhood experiences. I often think how very brave you must be even though I’m sure you don’t feel like you are. Blessings to you!

  • Whitney says:

    Love this post. What a unique blessing

  • Rhonda says:

    Thrilled beyond measure for your family! Congratulations.

    • kimberly.crumby@att.net says:

      Thank you, sweet Mrs. Rhonda…I miss our great discussions. Can’t wait to see pictures of your precious M&Ms.

  • Candy says:

    That was….beautiful. Thanks for sharing.

  • Kelly Powell says:

    I read it the first time ok, but when I read it outload to AJ, I couldn’t control the tears from running down my face. What a beautiful poem to two beautiful angels.

    • kimberly.crumby@att.net says:

      Thank you, Kelly. I definitely had tears running down my face as I was writing that one. I appreciate you reading!