September Comes Every Year
September always comes in with a hurried pace; school has started a few weeks before, and we have the annual adjustment of returning back to real life after the long days of summer. This year, September came in on an even faster whirlwind fueled by a new job and new school for me and a new beginning for my sweet kindergarten boy.
About the time I am able to exhale the breath I’ve been holding from mid-August till now, it hits me that this is the month that everything changed for us.
Was it really four years ago that I took my sweet girl to the Clothesline Fair over Labor Day weekend? All at once it seems like an eternity ago…but at the same time just yesterday.
This September, I think about how, in some ways, I wish I would have known how much I needed to savor those first sixteen days of the ninth month of 2009. I also think about how I’m also glad I didn’t know what was headed our way. One thing I’ve discovered with grief is that my mind and heart are capable of living in a strange dichotomy. Things are not black and white; in fact, I often can’t even decipher what color anything is. Those are the moments that I have to decide that it’s ok that I can’t figure it all out. It’s more than ok- it’s trust. And it’s hard.
As I wait for September the 17th to rear its ugly head, I am also waiting for something else. Something that has everything to do with Hannah’s death but that evokes much different emotions. I’m waiting for something that will be living proof that God indeed works all things for good for those who love Him. Not that all things that happen are good- but God can even use the worst tragedies to demonstrate His love and tender mercies.
I am waiting on a new little person…a precious baby girl…who could never replace our Hannah Grace but will be a living, breathing testimony to the enormity of her life. I also wait and rest in knowing that nothing in this world is promised- including that this baby will actually be ours forever. And yet, we rest. Hoping. Trusting. Praying. Knowing that God has been and will always be faithful.Will you join us in praying for this baby girl…our birth mom…the adoption process?