A Weeping Christian: When Faith and Grief Collide

A blog by Kimberly Crumby

Never say never…

“Dear God, pwease bless us with a baby…if you want to.” Caleb- June 10, 2013

Hearing those sweet words from my very own son’s lips as I laid beside him that June night- I wanted to cry just from the sheer weight of it all.

Caleb has been convinced the last several weeks that he is going to get a baby sister-even to the point of confidently telling my dear friend so as she and her son were leaving our home one day. We have never outright told him this; so, my wise momma told him to just to pray about it.

You see, we had our baby girl, and we have had to accept that we will not physically lay eyes on her again until we are reunited in heaven. “But in keeping with his promise we are looking forward to a new heaven and a new earth, where righteousness dwells.” 2 Peter 3:13

HG baby
Hannah Grace- around 6 months old

At the beginning of our adoption journey, we easily dismissed adopting a newborn. We had experienced the joys…and the hardness…that come with a brand new life. There are so many who are desperate to know those feelings, and we had been blessed with two opportunities. The expense involved seemed overwhelming. Our plan was to have our children close together so they could grow up enjoying having playmates. We are finally finished paying childcare. The list goes on and on.

God continues to teach us to never say never.

Because guess what? God has seemingly called us to adopt…you guessed it…a tiny new baby. A baby who won’t physically match our fair-skinned, light-brown-headed, blue-eyed family. A baby who will scream, “I’m adopted!” just by sight. And you know what? We are going with it. If this early fall baby indeed becomes ours, we will consider ourselves blessed beyond measure to experience a tiny-by-comparison representation of how we have been lovingly adopted by our heavenly father.

Honestly, I was not initially overwhelmed by excitement. I was overwhelmed alright…with all the reasons why we did not initially choose this path. But God just kept whispering to my heart that it’s not about me…my desires…my plan…it’s about him.

As Priscilla Shirer says in Life Interrupted, “The old stuff can be comfortable to us. And comforting. The plans we’d arranged, the life ambitions we’d set in place, the image of this season of our lives we’d counted on- they’re hard to let go of when He’s asking us to yield to something new and unknown.”

We will potentially be trading our pick-up-and-go freedom…our no-diaper-bag-to-grab mornings…our extra-no-childcare money…but it will be worth it.
 

Priscilla again…”We just cannot comprehend, as God can, why He has met us with this piece of conviction right now or placed us in the midst of this circumstance. So the determining factor we use in choosing obedience over disobedience-in choosing surrender over stubborn resistance-can never be our finite ability to understand His directives. Making sense of God’s call is not a prerequisite for following it. His Word and His promises are enough.”

He is always enough.

{Would you kindly pray for this process- the birth mom and family, our family, finances…you name it. Have you experienced a time when God was calling you to something you weren’t initially thrilled about- but you obeyed anyway? I would love to hear about it.}
 
“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height  nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39

 

 

 

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13 thoughts on “Never say never…

  • Susan Gage says:

    Kimberly,
    I can not explain how happy I am for you and your family! This will work out and now with your new job… it will all be fine. You all can do this!
    Susan

    • kimberly.crumby@att.net says:

      Thanks so much, Susan- you are such an encourager! I have definitely learned that God can get me through anything…

  • Juliana Price says:

    While I was healing in San Antonio I read the email Kim Simco sent and did not understand. Thanks to Susan sharing I now have the story. I too believe in God’s miracles. Ms Price, library teacher at Smith

    • kimberly.crumby@att.net says:

      It seems as though you are a living example of what God can do- I have thought of you often and prayed for you during your recovery. Thanks for commenting!

  • Shay Vaughn says:

    I love Priscilla and she is right! Just when we are comfortable with our narrow view, God reveals a little more of the bigger picture-a grand master piece waiting to be unveiled when we get to heaven!

    • kimberly.crumby@att.net says:

      You are so right, Shay- I have just accepted the fact that it won’t all make sense until we get there. If we never meet face to face here on Earth, I bet we will have some great conversations in heaven!

  • Melissa Baker Emmett says:

    Hey Kim! I’m so touched by your story and your words. I am definitely going to read this book. My husband and I have had a rough year with the loss of triplets through our first round of IVF and the devastation of none of my eggs being fertilized during the second round of IVF but God had plans for us that I never could have dreamed. He’s given us a baby through embryo adoption. Definitely not what we had “wanted” or “hoped for” but blessed beyond measure and so thankful we followed Him and obeyed despite being thrilled with the situation. The first ultrasound/hearing the heartbeat at 6 weeks, it didn’t matter where this baby came from or how we got it, it was ours and God’s blessing was evident. I pray for your family!
    Love,
    Melissa

    • kimberly.crumby@att.net says:

      Melissa! How good to hear from you. I’m truly sorry to hear about what an unexpected journey becoming a mother has been for you…it’s pretty amazing how God enables us to truly love children we have not carried inside us. I know that’s one lesson he taught us when we had the twin boys for such a short time. So thankful that process worked for you- congratulations!

  • Praying!! How exciting!! What a beautiful post! (And I LOVE that book!)

    • kimberly.crumby@att.net says:

      Thanks so much…love your blog, by the way. God definitely knew I needed to randomly pick up that book a while back and then remember I had it now. Blessings!

  • Julie says:

    Several years ago, my youngest son was praying for a baby sister. We are a blended family and at the time the boys were 10 (mine), 9 (his), and 5 (ours). We had lost a baby before we had our 5 year old. I not only lost a baby but there were some complications having the 5 year old and I was told I would not be able to have another child. We were totally thankful for our 3 healthy boys and made other plans, but Sawyer would NOT be deterred. Every day for 2 years, he prayed for a baby sister, and we indeed found out we were expecting on his 7th birthday. It was a difficult pregnancy full of hospital stays, bedrest, fear, and uncertainty and she was born just shy of 2 months early and was very sick. However, that tiny bundle, the gift our family never knew we needed, will be 9 on July 5th. I’m not a gambler and I don’t believe in fortune telling, but I’m siding with Caleb. :) Jonah was an incredible study!! I also loved Discerning the Voice of God.

    • kimberly.crumby@att.net says:

      Wow- what an incredible story of one little boy’s faithfulness! Thanks so much for sharing your journey with me- there were even frustrating things happening this week with the adoption that were making me question whether this is supposed to be. You taking the time to share is an encouragement to me today! Blessings to you and your family.

      • Julie says:

        I am so glad I could encourage you!! I will definitely be praying for the adoption. I have several friends who have built or increased their families through the blessing of adoption and if I can encourage you again, they have all had bumps in the road before the adoption was final.