A Weeping Christian: When Faith and Grief Collide

A blog by Kimberly Crumby

Imagine (5 Minute Friday)

Imagine

Sometimes I imagine how different my life would be if my dreams of 10 years ago were reality.

I would be married to my first love…teaching kindergarten at the same school at which I started…with two kids (a boy and a girl) who were around two years apart in age…these were the things I thought my future held.

Present reality? Only two of those things are actually here. My first love and my boy. Nothing else remotely matches. My sweet husband and I have had to fight tooth and nail for our marriage. My son is here without his big sister. I am working at a different school doing a different job.

And you know what? I can’t say that I wouldn’t change anything…that would be dishonest. But I’m here. I’m in one piece…there are big scars, but God has closed the gaping wounds.

As I face even more potential changes, I do so with a sort of reckless lack of worry. A God who has brought me through a life very far from what I imagined will carry me across the finish line one day.

“God has not been trying an experiment on my faith or love in order to find out their quality. He knew it already. It was I who didn’t.” C.S. Lewis

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10 thoughts on “Imagine (5 Minute Friday)

  • Cassandra says:

    How touching and honest. I love the quote you inserted at the end of your reflection. Thank you. Your FMF neighbor.~Cassandra

    • kimberly.crumby@att.net says:

      Isn’t that a good one? Even though I often don’t know the reasons behind things, I have a hard time with the idea that some hold that God often does things to “test” us. I believe he does sometimes, but I can’t reconcile the loss of a child with that philosophy. I enjoyed reading your blog!

  • LeahJlyn says:

    God, may have blessed you with change . but, he blessed you well with first love and son. Your are very blessed

    • kimberly.crumby@att.net says:

      I am blessed with those- you are right! I will never consider saying goodbye to my child a blessing, but God has brought goodness out of that terrible tragedy. Only God could do such a thing.

  • Kerri says:

    A friend of mine recently lost her grandson during birth. I cannot imagine your loss. But I think you are okay in saying that you would change a thing. One thing. I hope you find peace.

    • kimberly.crumby@att.net says:

      Kerri, I am so sorry to hear that. I think grandparents are often overlooked, but I am sure it is so hard to grieve the loss of a grandchild while simultaneously grieving for your child. Some days I can appreciate that Hannah Grace is in the best place she could be…happier than she could ever be here…but I still can’t quite go that far. Maybe one day when I “grow up”. :) Thanks for your sweet comment.

  • “There are big scars, but God has closed the gaping wound…” Yes! And He will be faithful to complete it in each of us. So nice to visit and read your thoughts. I’m one of Holley’s God-Sized Dreamers too, visiting from FMF! Blessings to you!

    • kimberly.crumby@att.net says:

      Hello, God-sized dream sister! I will have to scoot on over to your blog and do some reading soon. Thank you for reading and commenting. Have a wonderful week.

  • Laura Robb says:

    “A God who has brought me through a life very far from what I imagined will carry me across the finish line one day.”

    Love this line. Sometimes that is all we can cling to in order to keep going in perseverance. Great post, Kimberly.

    • kimberly.crumby@att.net says:

      Yes, Laura…about the time I forget that, God has a way of reminding me. I often think of Paul and finishing the race well. Thank you for reading and for your encouragement.