A Weeping Christian: When Faith and Grief Collide

A blog by Kimberly Crumby

A Letter to the God-Sized Dreamers

Dear God-sized dreamers,

About this time last week, I wrote these words:

I will not be consumed when my God-sized dreams detour into sorrow; I have hope, and I will wait for him.”

I wrote those words as I was working my way out of a pit- a pit of despair and self-pity. Has your heart ever cried out to God such things as: haven’t I suffered enough? why can’t things ever be easy for me? why do my dreams never seem to come true? Those are thoughts that rolled through my core when we got a call that seemed to shut the door on our hopes of adopting two precious children- and not just a gentle closing but a resounding slam.

My heart was crying- big time. Along with my eyes. And then I thought of Jeremiah and all the crying he did over the call and ministry God had given him. Yet, if you really look, you can find tiny glimmers of hope throughout Jeremiah’s writings. So, I strained to let God continue to fill me with the hope and joy only he can give, and my spirit begrudgingly began to allow God to work in me…yet again.

I felt that still, small voice whispering to me over and over to trust…just hang on…he is faithful…and repeat.

Less than 24 hours after I wrote those words, I received another call. This one made my heart want to burst with joy…fear…apprehension…trust. This call inexplicably carried the news I thought I would not hear- that these children could indeed be ours.

And you know what? Right this minute, down the hall, three beautiful boys are sleeping peacefully. I am well on my way to being a momma of four- my first-born princess who now calls heaven her home…my ornery and delightful oldest son…and now two adorable, chubby toddlers.

So, dreamers, it’s looking as if one of my God sized dreams could be coming true. But it hasn’t happened without a lot of waiting, frustration, confusion, and sadness. So if your God sized dreams are not unfolding like you had planned, remember those words that were whispered to my heart- trust…just hang on…he is faithful.

He is faithful indeed.

A blessed God size dreamer

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