A Weeping Christian: When Faith and Grief Collide

A blog by Kimberly Crumby

An Empty Wall

May I present my empty wall (well, it has a little bench there right now, but it used to have a huge chest… so it’s empty, relatively speaking)…

You may be wondering if I have finally lost my ever-lovin’ mind… and some days I feel like that’s not too far from the truth. However, this wall represents something much bigger than my moments of craziness. It is much, much bigger- that small space is my first halting, stumbling step towards a God-sized dream. God-sized dream. And I’m shaking in my boots even as I type this sentence.

You may remember that I mentioned being part of Holley Gerth’s God-sized dream team; we have been taking some beginning steps towards realizing what some of our strengths, skills, and life statements may be. I have discovered through this process that I have very much conditioned myself not to really think about my strengths and skills- in fact, when we are asked to post these things to our group site, it almost seems prideful and arrogant. Somewhere along the way I have twisted the truth that I am nothing without God… that I have no strength on my own…and turned that into the idea that I am nothing, and I have no strength. Consequently, it has been with much trepidation that I have really opened my heart up to those ideas- and to dreams.

So, you know what’s going to squeeze nicely up against that empty wall? A desk. A perfect, one of a kind desk (as soon as I magically locate it) that will become my place to pour out my heart, my life, and my grief into words. Those words might remain with me forever… and that’s okay. Those words might stay in the confines of this blog…super. If God throws open the doors, those words might make their way into a published work…glory. If those pages come into existence, God might send me to go speak about his enduring love and faithfulness- I will be ready if that’s where he takes me. Or, I might be too busy with more children running through the walls of our home if God blesses us through adoption. I’m realizing that I’m making God too small when I come up with my million-and-one reasons why none of those things will really happen. My God-sized dreams are dreams that are too big…too powerful…too frightening…to originate in my weak heart. They can only come from him.

My prayer and hope is that reading this may stir that little place in your heart- the place that holds some dreams that seem too big. If that place has been stirring for awhile and is up to a churning speed, please be encouraged that many of us (actually pretty much all of us) on this team are scared to death. With God, all things are indeed possible.

Comments are currently closed.

14 thoughts on “An Empty Wall

  • Holley Gerth says:

    I love how you are physically expressing in your home what God is doing in your heart. This is beautiful.

    • Thank you, Holley- I’m hoping this will help me feel like a “real” writer… versus how I feel when I’m in my bed, wearing my jammies, propped up on my pillows. :)

  • Beth says:

    I enjoyed the chance to read your post through Holley’s God-sized dreams link up. Thank for sharing your heart.

  • Chalace says:

    You have a gift from God! I pray that you will use it for His glory and to help others who struggle with coping with the death of a child (or just struggling with that thing we call life). Don’t limit your message to reach others! You have a clear message and a God given talent, and I don’t even personally know you — except what I read on your blog.

    • Thank you for those kind words, Chalace. Hopefully I have a good start through our Grief Share group at church. I just have to figure out how to channel my experiences… oh, and how to find time to do that said channeling. :)

  • Julie says:

    This is beautiful Kimberly. I hope to read your book someday….looking forward to it. I know I could benefit from your words.

    • What an overwhelmingly kind thing to say… I still have trouble believing that I have anything different to say than anyone else. I know that God is really working on me and reminding me to have confidence through him. Hope you are well.

  • Amy Byrket says:


    • Even though we have never met, you have been such a blessing to me. So faithful to remember Hannah and let her story positively impact your life- that’s the best thing a momma can hear about her baby. Thank you.

  • Wonderful…so wise to set up a home for your writing. Can’t wait to read more!

  • Jenny says:

    This is great, Kimberly! I’m starting to wonder what God is telling me this week. :) We’ve just started reading Jesus Calling for Kids (and I think the grown-ups in our house are getting just as much out of it), and a theme of this first week has been that nothing is impossible with God. There’s even a devotional that talks about how that if you will let Him, God will give you impossible-sized (God-sized) dreams that will come to fruition if you trust Him to lead you. I’ll be praying for you as you follow His lead!

    • I hope you’re really hearing from God! I’ve been thinking about getting that book- good to know that you all are benefitting from it. Love the adult version. Thank you for your prayers- I need them!!!

  • Kimberly, This is such a beautiful post! I feel so grateful to be on this Dream Team with you.

    You said, “My prayer and hope is that reading this may stir that little place in your heart- the place that holds some dreams that seem too big.”

    Oh, this post did that for me! It has touched me so deeply and I SO look forward to reading your story! Thank you so much for having the courage to put this out there :)