A Weeping Christian: When Faith and Grief Collide

A blog by Kimberly Crumby

Clarity and prayer… things we need

Good morning, 2013. I fervently hope that this year is kind to you; if that is not the case for whatever reason, I hope for joy and contentment to be present and visible in spite of that. 

I definitely would say (and hope that I’m right) that I have not become pessimistic about life as a result of the great losses I have faced (someone please tell me if I have and I just don’t see it!). However, I am definitely realistic about what this life has to offer- there are so many joyful, even breathtakingly beautiful, moments. Unfortunately, life cannot and will not always be characterized by those. Along with the beautiful comes the ugly… and it will be that way because we live in a broken world. That’s when Jeremiah’s words come to mind: “Yet this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” (Lamentations 3:21-23) 

I have had a discussion with several people over the last few weeks about life and how hard it seems; it is as if every where I turn there is tragedy. Sweet babies who have hard diagnoses even before they can take their first breaths outside the womb… infants having painful surgeries and procedures that would make adults cringe… a 34 year old mother of 3 having strokes… a four wheeler accident that leaves a teenager fighting to regain herself… and of course, the national tragedies such as the school shooting in Connecticut. Are things really so much more tragic than ever? Are we just more aware about things now with social media and 24 hour news coverage? I don’t know the answers to any of that, but what I do know is that I’m thankful we have a God who is all-knowing, all-powerful, and fully present in a world that, quite frankly, makes me want to curl up in my bed. But as Jeremiah said, I am not consumed… I am not consumed.

Now that I have rambled, here’s the real reason behind this post. We.need.your.prayers. A small sentence, yet so powerful…and I have no shame in pleading for your intercession. We have still heard nothing as far as adoption goes from DHS; I’m thinking that our file is still sitting in a pile on a desk. As I wrote in an earlier post, one adoption specialist is trying to take care of five counties. I’m sure she is doing her very best- but as many people have told us (and it’s become apparent), the system is just broken. It has really brought to mind how the early church was charged with taking care of orphans and widows- those who could not care for themselves. Like many things, it doesn’t seem to work as well when the government is charged with that care.

We have made other contacts (or attempted) with other people/groups who have a part in placing adoptable children who are in foster care with homes. We are also regrouping a little and looking again at domestic newborn adoption. We had initially ruled that out for several reasons- we have had the wonderful opportunity to have two babies while others are desperate for a newborn… we don’t have any of our baby stuff anymore… we are finally about to have no childcare expenses when Caleb goes to kindergarten next year… we enjoy just picking up and going without the diaper bag/stroller/etc. The big, hairy problem with that type of adoption is cost- we’re talking about $20,000 plus. 

So, after thinking all those reasons were good enough not to really go there, I am hearing that still, small voice telling me that we need to do our part and cast out a wide net, and God will do the rest. You would think I would know by now that my plans are not his… my ways are not his ways… and apparently I haven’t been called to walk an easy road. So, we will keep making contacts with DHS, and we have sent in some paperwork to an attorney in Fayetteville who matches birth moms with adoptive families. We are holding there for now- we aren’t quite prepared to start with an adoption agency and pay several thousand dollars up front since things are so unclear right now.

With all that being said (if anyone is still reading my novel at this point-ha), we.need.your.prayers. For clarity… for peace during the waiting… for contentment that our family will be as complete as it can be this side of heaven…however that ends up looking.

I added a subscribe option to this blog so it will automatically e-mail you any updates if you so desire (at least, I think I did?). I also added a share feature… again, shamelessly asking you to pass this along. You will also find a link to Holley Gerth’s site where she talks about our God-sized dream team. Her blog is full of great stuff- including some information today about a new e-book that just released about how to move towards making your life better in 21 days. I am fully aware that there are people who are going through much worse calamities than this… but I’m also aware that we have to sometimes ask others to lift us up when we need that. Thank you from the bottom of my heart if you are willing to do that for us. 

“I say to myself, ‘The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.'” Lamentations 3:24

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