A Weeping Christian: When Faith and Grief Collide

A blog by Kimberly Crumby

Thankful

So, I’m really having to dig deep for this post… because honestly today I’m not on a thankful high. Therefore, this is one of those I-have-to-go-with-what-I-know-not-what-I-feel days. Here goes…

3 years ago today, here’s what I wrote on our caring bridge site:
I kept thinking about David and how you can really feel his despair in some of the Psalms. I realize now that I never had any clue what real despair was until this circumstance. I am thankful that this despair has brought me closer to God- even though last night I felt like my heart was breaking as I asked “Why?”.

If I had known then even how much more despair there was to come, I’m not sure I could have faced it. And I still ask why every once in a while; I know now that there’s not much use in that because I’m never going to get an answer that truly satisfies while I’m here on this earth.

But, I am thankful that I am still standing…living…having joy-filled moments…serving…all because God continues to bring me comfort, healing, and peace. I am thankful for so many who have prayed for our family and ministered to me. I met two people in the last few weeks who had followed our story via caring bridge and earnestly prayed for us.

I am also trying to be thankful for continued trials… apparently I am just not meant to coast easily through life. Do you ever wonder why some get the luxury of doing that? I surely do…

Our DHS file is complete and was turned over to the adoption specialist. After several weeks of not hearing anything, I finally was able to speak with her last week. Basically, she told me that she is extremely overworked and probably wouldn’t even be looking at our file for “a long time”. She also said that it would be a “miracle” if a child or children under the age of 10 became available because foster parents “always” adopt the younger ones.

Sigh… very disheartening and confusing. I reached out to someone with the C.A.L.L., and she told me that we very much have to be our own advocates and really get our names out there in the foster care/adoption community.

So, we are currently trying to figure out where to go from here. Please join us in praying that God will bring clarity to the situation.

I’m also going to embark on an adventure dealing with God-sized dreams. This adoption situation definitely falls under that category… and a few other things that God has put on my heart.

It literally causes me to shake just a little bit to even type this… but I am really praying about writing that book that many people have told me I should write. I have trouble convincing myself that I could even do it- no time, don’t know how to start, don’t have anything new to say that no one has ever said before… blah blah blah. So, God-sized dream number 2.

As you can see, we still desperately need your prayers. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

“Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.” Isaiah 40:28

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