2 years ago
So yesterday I sat in a small, quiet room watching the clock tick… and tick… and tick. No, I haven’t ended up in a padded cell (yet); I was in the middle of a 4 hour test that is required to have full school administrator licensure. I finished the multiple choice section early… like with an hour to go… so I sat staring at the white board with the date- September 17.
That date is forever etched in our minds as the day that our normal little life took a sudden, drastic turn towards tragedy. I no longer use the word “tragedy” lightly, but looking back that 2 1/2 months was nothing but tragic. So as I sat reflecting on what has happened, it occurred to me that I never thought that I would be sitting in a room able to concentrate on a test… or that I would ever live in the “real” world… or that I would be a decent mom to my living child… or that I would even be able to get out of bed.
While I still have very hard days (and always will), today I am in awe that God is such a healer and provider. While I will never understand the “why” behind what happened, I know that God has given us the grace to live this life we are left with. While there are days when grief seems so heavy that I cannot breathe, I remember that I am breathing the breath that He gave me to breathe (one of my favorite worship songs).
We still covet your prayers as this time of year is just hard. I’ve always loved the fall, but now it is tinged with grief and sadness. I also am asking any of you who read this to pray for the grieving souls in this session of Grief Share. I am learning about how to be a facilitator this session, and we meet on Tues. nights at 5:30. We all need to be bathed in prayer.
After much prayer, reflecting on scripture, and resistance, I am now to the place where I am realizing that perhaps it is meant for me to share our story. This is one of the scariest things I have ever said (or typed), but I am opening myself up to whatever it is God has in store. If I am supposed to speak to groups or churches, I know the opportunities will present themselves. If I am supposed to write a book, then God will give me the words… even if the final product is only for myself and those closest to me. So, please pray that I will have the faith and courage to step out in faith. Like I said…..SCARY!
“And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast.” I Peter 5:10